Sixty feet of complete nerd pleasure

Attention screaming, inattentive teen masses! If I promised that you could have a 60-foot tall version of Twilight’s Robert Pattinson on your lawn, or a 60-foot version of Miley Cyrus that would stand on your school football field for three months, would your dyed, pierced and pop-culture filled heads simply pop like grapes?

Don’t be embarrassed. You have friends. 

Thousands of 31-45 year-olds have no idea that toy company Bandai has fulfilled their teenage wishes, much like yours. The company has erected a 59-foot (18 meter) version of Mobile Suit Gundam in Tokyo harbor. It’s shiny. It’s giant. Apparently, parts of it move. It’s the ultimate boy toy gadget. And, it’s 1 to 1 scale. I’ll repeat that. It’s FREAKING ONE TO ONE SCALE.

The problem is that scores of nerds haven’t heard a thing about it. They sit alone whacking each other (or themselves) playing Halo 3 and know little about the holy pilgrimage they must make before Sept. 1. That’s when Bandai fuels the rockets and flies that thing out of there. (Okay, so, we all know, there will be no rocket fueling or flying. Probably a slow dismantling by union construction workers paid an hourly wage and parts put into unassuming boxes that … meh. Reality sucks).

That said, recently, a Japanese citizen recently won a contest. His prize? He got hauled up to the top of the Mobile Suit Gundam and was allowed to sit on its shoulder armor. For almost a full hour. Seriously. Could you imagine the full-blown, unadulterated nerdgasms scores of Gundam lovers would experience were they given that chance? And yet, there’s so little about the news on the Internet, Giant Mobile Suit Gundam Love has received less publicity than a Spandau Ballet reunion tour.

No matter. I’m here to help. And there’s a silver, pizza encrusted lining to all this and here it is (Fanboys, get your Paypal accounts ready): Bandai doesn’t know what it’s going to do with the statue once the event it’s publicizing is over. You! You with the stained Xbox 360 controller and the “l33t” t-shirt – you could own it. So could you, Guy-Who-Can’t-Let-Go-Of-Old-Cartoons-He-Loved-At-Age-8 Guy! Your expendable income and secreted savings are waiting for Bandai’s bank accounts!

So, run don’t walk. Catch a plane to Osaka, then a ferry to Odaiba’s Shiokaze Park! Drop to your knees, make your “we’re not worthy” gestures in front of this multicolored, transforming golden calf, and be prepared for that same high you get after kicking ASS at Apples to Apples!

One Response to “Sixty feet of complete nerd pleasure”

1. xutraa says:

   12/08/2009 at 7:29 pm

   I want one for my birthday.